I had the fortunate occasion to overhear both of these gems today at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

A mom to her 4-year-old boy in the Africa & Americas galleries: Joey, listen to me, all right? There are some places in the world where people aren’t ashamed of showing their penises.

A mom to her 8-year-old girl, on Sol Lewitt’s 13/3 sculpture: You could build that with your Jenga, couldn’t you?

I also saw two different security guards leaning against walls taking naps — perhaps to lull passersby into a false sense of security about their embarrassing snippets of conversation. Very clever.

Well, I’ve made it to the medium-big-ish time: Valleywag covered me covering social media kids covering themselves.

So hi potential new blog customers! Please direct all hate mail to my helpful assistant — I will be busy working overtime so I might scrape together enough alt-weekly journo wages for this fancy new iPhone thing I’ve been hearing so much about. I’m shooting for the cortex-enabled 2012 release.

“These athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands by pointing out that ‘True Love Waits’ in a large screen print on the front and back of these pants.” Where it really counts!

But these might actually sell — as Gawker reports, we are statistically in an age of fewer sluts. Is it only a matter of time before they roll out the Abercrombie for Abstinence collection? “Boys want to buy me promise rings” and “My pastor wouldn’t approve of you” stretched across pubescent virgin humps? Yeah, that’ll keep it in their drawstringed “athletic pants.”

I kind of wish true love would just wait for mom to peruse the hair conditioners so “she” can stuff some Kmart condoms into her school bag.

Using my deductive reasoning and also this helpful government Web site, I’ve concluded that San Francisco is clearly next (but I’m not feeling much better about my former plan to defect to the East Bay…).

So would another 3.5er just knock books off shelves or would it sink the Marina? I know which one I’m crossing my fingers for.

They’re overplayed (to say the least), but cupcakes are still fun to eat, fun to draw, and definitely fun to write about… within reason. So I think I’m going to start honing my craft with another baked good (with exception, of course, for almond-wasabi cakes).

I’m in New York (right now, specifically, Go!wanus) for the MoCCA indie comics fest this weekend, which I’ll be covering for these guys, natch.

But enough about art — it’s breakfast time and I just spent the last week putting together a list of all the New York foods I needed a taste of before I return back westward. So stop reading now if you care more about art than you do about soy.

I knew some of these already, but I didn’t realize what a lot of my favorite foods in New York were until I couldn’t eat them anymore (I never would’ve guessed that dosas would dominate over Veg Palate crispy nuggets):

• Mac & cheeze from Little Lad’s Basket
• A dosa from the Dosa Man
• A vege patty and coco bread from Christie’s
• Jerk chicken and plantains from Stir It Up
• A poppy bagel with tofu veg cream cheese from anywhere (why do all the bagels in San Francisco taste like donuts?)
• Cheap falafel from anywhere (why does all the falafel in San Francisco taste like particle board?)

I think I’ll start with that bagel. I’d also like to track down some kosher candy lentils…